I wish I could shed my skin and my mind.
I wish I could reprogram the wires crossed in my brain
with a special code that will make me the person I want others to see.
They always say tomorrow is a new day,
A new start, a new opportunity to do right..
But the sun rising and setting does nothing to make me better.
Not while my habits are trapped in a spiral of self-destructive intentions
Everyday, I wake up and think “I’ll be better! I know it!” Yet, inevitably, I fall into an old hole, trip into a trauma response, or stumble over a lesson I should have mastered years ago.
A new day means nothing when I don’t know how to better myself during that passing of time.
My mind is wild and always on the run,
Looking for stimulation and avoiding boredom like the plague.
How do I combat a natural desire to escape?
How do I force change when I can’t even remember what I promised my friend 5 minutes ago?
How do I show my loved ones that I’m trying to do right, when I fail the most basic of expectations time and time again..
I wish I could shed my skin.
I wish I could start over in a night and be the person I want to be before the morning comes.
I’ve never wanted anything more than to say “I did it!”
CaliStray 