Is it a two-way street, or am I again driving the wrong way down an unpaved road to nowhere?
Why must I seek meaning in mundane phrases and empty promises…
Am I so desperate as to believe anything kind is meant to be sweet?
Again, I’m licking up tar and calling it honey so I can tell my friends that this bitter taste in my mouth is good.
Poison me, heart, and tell me it’s candy so that I may imagine a world where treats fall from the sky like rain.
And what of the pain? Heartache and pleasure are one in the same in my book of fairytales.
A sawed-off toe for the hand of the prince is a walk in the park if he’ll give me a small glimpse of joy.
Temporary though it may be, anything will do so long as I’m freed even for just a moment.
Hold me and tell me I’m safe, please? I’d give anything for the breath of a lover on my aching neck,
or the touch of gentle hands on quivering skin in that way I only read about anymore.
How long will I pursue this time? A day? A month? 8 years? 10?
And how many times in that period will he ask me to wait?
Wait on kindness, wait on labels… Wait on an opportunity to tell the world we’re “Happy”.
Wait on life, wait on love. Wait on his goals or his needs to be met so that we can finally pursue mine.
Wait on an end we both see coming… Wait on heartbreak…. wait on death.
What is it to be loved in a way that happens freely… without the boundaries of baggage and slow decision making?
To be the desire of someone who knows they’re ready for whatever they believe I can bring.
Could I make someone like that happy? Could they do the same for me?
Is there anyone like that left… Or is the world at 30 too worn out and tired?
Too insecure from a decade and a half of heartache, healing, and “Self-discovery”?
Will I ever be secure enough in myself to wait out the dark loneliness for such a person?
CaliStray 