Grief Without Goodbye

Why do I break for someone so broken?
Why do I yearn for words never spoken…
A shadow of myself with a ghost in my heart
The only thing I’m sure about is tearing me apart.
Visions of us, distorted by pain
Romanticized wreckage I can’t seem to escape.
How much was real? How much was a game?
How much is still there, and what’s been erased?
The world moves around me, but I’m trapped in place
Afraid to admit we can be replaced.
Where are you now? Alone in your head?
Reminiscing us, or sharing your bed?
It’s none of my business, but I can’t seem to clear
The ache in my chest wishing you were here.
Am I going insane? Will this chaos end?
I can’t see tomorrow – I don’t understand..
How I can be so sure that we’re not meant to be,
Yet wishing so bad you’d visit me.
My eyes well with tears I’m not meant to shed…
And I’m overcome by the grief you left in your stead.
I know that it’s over, but my throat aches with cries.
I wish I could have held you as we said our goodbyes.
What’s worse is the knowledge of my part in this –
If I’d learned sooner how not to dismiss.