~*~ Edited 10/24/19 @ 5:12 PM ~*~
Darkest depths of memories,
Tucked in as children lost to sleep,
taunt and tease a lonely child,
alone in her own reveries.
I believe, as she believed,
they’d one day come to be
something more than simple thoughts,
simply more than emptied dreams.
Those of heroes in the sun,
While summer beats the beating streams.
Of baseball games and astronauts,
giggling lights in castle-sheets.
Careful not to stroll too far,
She ventures light on needy needs;
A princess held by gentle hands,
Loved by all her families.
Coaxing, now, with subtle lips,
she calms them down with withered scripts,
musing on amusing themes-
Yearning for these memories.
~*~
My response to the writing prompt posted by Frank Hubeny with dverse, a virtual pub for poets. The idea was to write a poem using polyptotons (repetition of the same roots of a word). This is the first time I’ve done anything like this, and I am thoroughly excited to do it again.
Your use of poltotons is excellent here….and I am most enthralled with these lines
“Coaxing, now, with subtle lips,
she calms them down with withered scripts,”
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I love the sound of your poem, Cali, but would love to know the specifics of what some of those memories were.
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Thank you so much! That is really good feedback; I like the idea of going into what memories she’s experiencing, and may come back to this poem in a little while to see if I can add that to it!
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It is well worth doing so. You have such a talent for words and sound..and it would be made so much richer by concrete memories..just a touch would do. I’d love to see it again if you do add to it, Cali.
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I made some updates late yesterday afternoon, in response to your suggestions, and I really think it helps to bring the poem together. Thank you so much for helping me with this one!
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You mind really well, Cali.
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Nice lines: “taunt and tease a lonely child,
alone in her own reveries.
I believe, as she believed,” I like the polyptotons on “lone” and “believe” and their sound is pleasing.
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Thank you! I appreciate the prompt!
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Well written response to the challenge.
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Thank you so much!
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This is most excellent… I see the poet in this, how we can build our texts on those memories.
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Thank you!
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Interestingi approach to the polyptoton here Leanne — I enjoyed this, 🙂
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I’m glad ^.^ It was very fun to write!
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I agree with Frank about the pleasing sound of the the polyptotons on “lone” and “believe”, and I especially enjoyed this stanza:
‘Those of heroes in the sun,
While summer beats the beating streams.
Of baseball games and astronauts,
giggling lights in castle-sheets’..
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I enjoyed writing that stanza a lot, as it allowed me the chance to play around with small memories I cherish from my own childhood.
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Very nicely done!
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Thank you!
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This is so well done! I really liked your closing and the palpable polyptoton
“musing on amusing themes-
Yearning for these memories.”
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I really like the closing line, too 🙂 I made the change last minute, and I’m happy it works!
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This is like a dreamy ballad–well done. (K)
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